


Elysian

by running_downn



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Anxiety, Anyways, Dick needs a hug, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Hurt and comfort, M/M, Nightmares, Nightwing - Freeform, One Shot, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rape/Non-con Elements, Red Hood - Freeform, Tooth Rotting Fluff, im bad at tags, jason todd is gorgeous, jaydick, like holy shit, really angsty, self worth issues, so its okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-26
Updated: 2019-02-26
Packaged: 2019-11-05 21:10:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17926415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/running_downn/pseuds/running_downn
Summary: “Jason?” His voice came out a whimper, and would cause Dick to cringe if he wasn’t so focused on trying to figure out what was going on.“I’m here, Dickie, it’s just me I promise.” God, has his voice always been this relieving?~Dick still struggles with nightmares about past events, ones he's barely or never told anyone about. Jason doesn't know about any of these events, but Dick waking up from a nightmare causes him to find out.I promise it ends with a lot of fluff.Warnings for depictions of rape/non con and panic attacks.





	Elysian

**Author's Note:**

> Something real quick before you read the story: Please note that I am not using the concept/depiction of rape just to add angst to the story. I take this topic seriously and would never use it just because, let alone fetishize it. This is a vent piece, and I use writing as a way to handle emotions healthily. Even if it isn't graphically described, I can safely say it was hard to write and may be hard to read for some people. So if this kind of topic is something you're sensitive to I recommend not reading this.

**E·ly·sian**

_ adjective _

-relating to or characteristic of heaven or paradise.

 

_ Get off, get off, stop touching, too much, can’t breathe, can’t think. Nothing feels real aside from the rain, heavy, falling rain that won’t stop. A heavy weight on his chest, a weight that won’t go away. _

_ “Don’t… don’t touch me…” _

_ “Shhh…” _

_ A finger to his lips.  _

_ “We’re free now, baby, it’s all okay. It’s you, and me, together. He can’t hurt us now, it’s okay, quierdo, you’re alright now.” _

 

“It’s okay, you’re okay.” 

“No,” Dick muttered, chest burning with every breath. He could feel the rain on his skin, cold and harsh. “No, no, don’t-”

“Dick it’s alright, please, please breathe it’s just me.” Warm hands against his chest, pressing. They were holding him down, trapping him, he had to get them off. 

“No! I said stop!” The man jerked up, eyes shooting open as he stumbled back on the bed.  _ Bed…  _ Dick looked around the room frantically, clawing at his chest and forcing his eyes to adjust to the dark. His breaths were rapid and his throat torn. 

“Okay, okay I won’t touch you.” A gentle voice, low and calm, echoed in the room. A familiar tone that Dick just couldn’t seem to remember. Why couldn’t he-

“Jason?” His voice came out a whimper, and would cause Dick to cringe if he wasn’t so focused on trying to figure out what was going on. 

“I’m here, Dickie, it’s just me I promise.” God, has his voice always been this relieving? Dick took a second to become aware of his surroundings, reality slowly pouring in as he analyzed what had happened. He was sat on the opposite end of the bed, tangled in thin sheets as Summer in Gotham was way too hot for anything else. The AC was on, and Dick shivered as he came to his senses and felt a rush of cold air against his bare skin. At some point Jay had turned on a small lamp sitting on the bedside table, emitting a warm glow of light that wasn’t too bright but enough to see. Jason was sitting up straight, blanket at his waist and exposing his toned form that Dick couldn’t get enough of. 

It was only then when the man realized how  _ panicked  _ Jason looked, the concern flowing from his expression as he didn’t attempt to hide it. The younger’s eyebrows were creased with worry, eyes wide as they fixed on Dick. He was practically chewing on his bottom lip, a habit Dick often scolded. 

“J-Jason,” was all he could manage to get out. It was pathetic, really, his boyfriends name being the only set of syllables he could muster up as he tried to force his breaths to slow. But they wouldn’t, and the realization of that only caused his throat to seize and brain to convince himself that he couldn’t breathe. Dick felt as if he was under water, _he couldn’t breathe_ _fuck he couldn’t breathe._ “Jay, Jay I can’t, I-”

Jason immediately got up from his spot, making his way over to the other and carefully resting a hand on his shoulder. “Look at me, c’mon Dick, look at my eyes okay?” Dick nodded hastily. “Listen to my voice, focus on me. I’m gonna touch your hand okay? I’m just gonna hold your wrist and bring it up to my chest. Is that okay?” Another nod. A heartbeat was evident against Richards palm as he allowed the feeling to become his main focus. “There you go, keep going, you’re okay.” He closed his eyes, matching his breaths with the steady beating of Jason’s heart. 

It felt like just hours had gone by when Dick finally opened his eyes, tears drying on his cheeks as he locked his gaze with his boyfriends. Dick took the time to thoroughly admire the bright teal of Jason’s eyes, a sea green that shone in the dim light of the room. The man had light freckles dusted over his nose and cheeks, not noticeable unless you really looked. His hair curled naturally, falling over his forehead as Dick silently wished the other would stop straightening it. Jason Todd was truly, and utterly gorgeous. 

But it was also his voice that broke Richard back into reality. “Dick?” His voice sounded so broken, so full of worry, as if he was talking to a child. He tried to reply, tried to say something, but all he could do was nod. He knew that speaking would result in instantly breaking into sobs. “Are you okay?” He nodded again, hesitantly. “You really expect me to believe that bullshit?” Jason’s voice was still unbelievably delicate despite the curse. 

“Y-Yeah, I’m fine,” Dick muttered, looking down and rubbing his eyes. One of his hands remained on the others chest as he craved the constant pulse of a heartbeat. 

“Dick, you were screaming in your sleep, and started begging me to stop when I tried to wake you up. You can’t possibly expect me-”  _ I’m not helpless.  _

“I said I’m fine!” Dick snapped, his voice far from intimidating as his hand clenched into a fist against Jason’s skin. How could someone be so warm? His vision blurred as tears glazed over his eyes. 

“Clearly you’re not-”

“I’m fine okay?! I said I’m fine so just leave it alone! I’m not helpless, I’m not a child, I can handle this by myself!” Dick was yelling now, ignoring how much it hurt his throat. He didn’t even notice the large teardrops falling onto the bed sheet. “I was my fault, every damn time was my fault and I get it okay?! I’m sorry!” He was shaking now, shoulders hunched as he clenched his teeth. “I’m sorry… I’m sorry I couldn’t tell the difference, I’m sorry I couldn’t stop her. I’m sorry, Bruce I couldn’t-” 

The two froze, Dick choking on sobs as every muscle in Jason’s body tensed. Bruce had a part in all of this, in his favorite son breaking down in the middle of the night? A breakdown worse that Jason had ever seen, in fact he was pretty sure it was the only breakdown he’d ever seen. It was hard to believe the man before him was Dick Grayson, the Golden Boy, first Boy Wonder, Nightwing. Bruce’s all time favorite. 

And  _ Bruce _ was part of why? 

“What happened _ , _ ” Jason spoke as softly as he could, trying to hide the sheer anger he felt for the Bat. 

“I, I can’t,” Dick managed to spit out, “I can’t lose…” his voice somehow got quieter. “I can’t lose this Jay. I can’t lose  _ you _ .” 

Jason held back any shock or retaliation of the man’s words, placing his hand over the one still on his chest. “I’m not going anywhere Dickiebird, you aren’t going to lose me. I won’t ever force you to tell me if you, can’t or really don’t want to but… I can’t help you if I don’t know what’s going on.” 

“Please don’t leave me,” Dick said in a near whisper. It was heart wrenching to see Grayson in this state, begging Jason of all people to stay with him. They had just started dating a couple months ago, and the older had never shown this much fear in losing Jay. He couldn’t begin to imagine what was causing Dick to think that. 

“Can I hug you?” Jason asked cautiously, the man clearly sensitive to touch at the moment. Which was even more off putting, as Dick was practically known in the family for being the touchy, flirty one. Always asking for a hug or to be held, even more clingy with Jason when they got together. But now he seemed to be afraid of it. 

Dick processed the question a thousand times, his mind screaming yes, begging to be held and comforted. But part of him was whispering in the back, convincing him he didn’t deserve the comfort, that any contact was  _ her. _

“N-No, not, I’m sorry, just not, I can’t,” fuck, why couldn’t he form a single sentence? 

“That’s okay, don’t apologize, you don’t need to be sorry.” He didn’t deserve Jason. 

He didn’t deserve this, this sympathy. It was his fault, everything that happened was because he was too weak, too slow, not good enough to realize-

“Realize what?” Dick looked back to Jay, panic written on his face as he noticed that he’d said all that out loud. 

“I…” 

“Dick, please, I need you to talk to me.” There wasn’t frustration in his voice, not a hint of anger, no sign that he was annoyed or frustrated. He would understand… he had to. 

“...Okay.” A pause. 

Jason nodded, “okay.” The man got up slowly, still holding Dick’s hand as he tugged the shorter into the kitchen. 

“What, what’re we doing?”

“Tea, it helps me calm down when I get nightmares or panic so, I thought maybe, I don’t know, that was dumb to assume you’d also-”

“It’s okay,” finally he wasn’t stuttering. “I like tea.” A soft smile rested on Jason’s lips as he started boiling water in the electric kettle they’d just bought. Jay was an experimenter with food, and finding an overly expensive tea kettle was right up his alley. While he did countless things and made many meals that should never work out, he managed to make every one of them taste amazing. 

Dick stood leaning against the wall, arms crossed and missing the touch of Jason’s hand gripping his. But the nagging voice in the back of his head wouldn’t stop, wouldn’t stop trying to tell him that  _ this  _ was the dream and he was still on the roof with-

“Dick?” 

“Hm?” he responded, snapping back into focus. 

“C’mon, let’s go back and sit down. The bed’s much more comfortable than the couch,” Jason chuckled, attempting to lighten the mood in any way he could. Dick nodded, taking the tea from Jason’s outstretched arm as the two made their way back into the bedroom as the taller closed the door behind them. They sat on the bed, both of them leaning against the headboard and drinking their tea in silence. 

Until Dick broke it. “I’m sorry you had to see all that.”

“What?” Jay furrowed his eyebrows. “We’ve been over this, Dickhead, you never have to apologize for stuff like this. That’s like me saying sorry for every time I flinch at the sight of a crowbar.”  
“Jason!” 

“I’m just saying!” the man chuckled, setting his tea on the nightstand and turning to face Dick. “Point is, you have every reason and right to get nightmares or to panic because of anything done to you. I don’t know what  _ did  _ happen but, knowing our line of work, I’d say anything that happens to us is fair game to be upset about.” Dick nodded, looking down at his cup and wondering when Jay became the insightful, comforting one in the relationship. “And again, you don’t have to tell me, but I can’t help you if you don’t talk about what’s going on.”

“I know…” Dick responded, setting his own drink down and shifting his body to face Jay. “I, just, I know I need to tell you, I know I should but, I don’t,  _ fuck _ ,” Richard groaned, running a hand over his face and let out a long breath. He moved to sit right next to Jason, carefully resting his head on the other’s shoulder and instantly craving more contact. It wasn’t her. It wasn’t any of them. It was just Jason. “You can, you can touch, hug, we can cuddle. I’m okay with it,” he muttered, embarrassed that he had to give his boyfriend permission to hug him at the least. 

“Only if you want to-”

“I do. I, I really do…” Jay nodded, pulling Dick up to sit on his lap and lean back against his chest. Dick focused on the rise and fall of the man beneath him, the steady heartbeat a constant reminder that it was just Jason. Jay draped an arm over the older’s chest, his other hand moving to card through thick yet unreasonably soft hair. Dick sighed into the motion, body instantly relaxing into the other’s touch. This was right, this was okay, this was safe. 

“Start whenever you’re ready,” Jason spoke softly, kissing the top of his lovers head. 

“Okay… 

 

_ “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Dick had to push her away, get whoever this was far from him.  _

_ “Just being with you, silly!” She giggled, “in the future, you and I were a team. We had each other!” What? No, no that was wrong. Who even is she? “We didn’t need anybody else. Certainly not  _ her. _ ” _

_ “What are you talking about?!” Dick yelled. “Maybe you are as crazy as the others!” She had to be. “Look, I don’t know about any future ‘us’. Hell, I don’t even know you!”  _

_ “You certainly seemed to the other night,” she gleamed, biting a finger. “Remember, that  _ was  _ me disguised as Kori.” ...What? “If we weren’t meant to be, seems to me you should’ve sensed the difference.” How did he not? How did he not realize it wasn’t Kori, how could he let that go? He wasn’t smart enough, he wasn’t quick enough to second guess things. What had he done? “Ha! Guess this means no ‘Midnight Olympics’ tonight! _

_ “Dick, you slut!”  _

 

Dick took a deep breath, his air shaking as he found himself clinging to the arm around him. He squeezed his eyes shut, ready for the barade of blame and insults, yells that it was his fault, that he cheated on Kori. That he was just a slut, that he deserved it, that he should have known and how Tim would’ve noticed, how Damian would’ve noticed, Bruce trained him better-

“They called you that?” Jason’s voice was laced with anger. But not seemingly directed at Dick. 

“...Yeah.”

“You’re, you’re friends, the people you trust,” he spoke lowly, “fucking blamed you for what Mirage did?” 

“I could’ve stopped her, it wasn’t like I said no anyways.”

“Dick, you were raped.” The man froze at the word, attempting to process what was just said. Raped? No… he wasn’t, he said yes. He was okay with it. “It doesn’t matter if you said yes, because you agreed to it with Kori.” Of course Jason knew exactly what he was thinking. “Not Mirage. She tricked you, she made you think she was someone else that you very clearly would not want to have sex with.” 

“But I, Kori and, and Roy-’  
“No, Dick. There’s no buts about it. She took advantage of you, and there wasn’t anything you could’ve done. It isn’t your fault for not knowing it wasn’t Kori, how is anyone supposed to be able to tell the difference in that kind of situation? Mirage is a shapeshifter, fooling people is what she does and you can’t blame yourself for something she’s made to trick you into thinking.” Dick took in every word carefully, repeating it in his mind over and over again as he cherished the _one time_ anyone had ever told him that-

“It wasn’t… that wasn’t my fault.” Dick said aloud, slowly and hesitantly. 

“Absolutely not,” Jay spoke sternly. If he had a say in it, he’d go back to the group that so blatantly deserved Hell, and bring it to them. While he knew this wasn’t the time to let out his temper, he couldn’t help but plan to give Roy a piece of his goddamn mind the second he saw the redhead. He tightened his grip on Dick ever so slightly, curling up and enveloping the other in a shell of an embrace. “Is this okay?” 

“Yes… very much so.” Jay smiled softly, leaning over and placing a gentle kiss on Dick’s forehead. “There’s, there’s something else…” Richard stated quietly, as if he was afraid to admit there was anything more. And the thought that there was, that there was another piece of scum on this earth that even dared touch Dick was sickening. 

“We can wait, you’ve said so much tonight, it’s okay,” Jay nearly whispered, still running his hands through the shorter’s hair. 

“No, I, I need to tell you”  _ while I have the courage. _

“Are you absolutely sure?” By the sound of Dick’s voice, this was far worse than what he’d previously told. How that was possible made Jason’s insides churn and heart twist. “You don’t have to, we can wait.” 

“I’m sure, Jaybird. I need to… I need to do this.” He had to. Had to come to terms with what had actually happened for once. 

“...Okay.”

 

_ How did he get here?  _

_ Rain pouring, gravel sharp against his knees. When had he fallen?  _

_ “...I  failed you...I-” _

_ “Don’t talk to yourself, quierdo, talk to me…” A hand under his chin, cold in the rain but the only sense of comfort he could reach.  _

_ “I  _ failed  _ you. Utterly, Catalina, I’m so, so, sor-” _

_ A finger against his lips. “Shh…” A weight against his chest.  _

_ “Don’t… touch me, I’m…” Why wasn’t he pushing her off? Why wasn’t he trying to stop her? Try, at least try, move, do something.  _

_ “Everything’s all right, baby, it’s all okay…” Get her off. Now.  _

_ “...Poisonous, numb, I…” God why wasn’t he  _ doing something _? “...Killed him, we, killed…” _

_ “Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk....” Her voice, so soft, so close. “I killed him. Now, hush.  _

_ It wasn’t her fault, he should have stopped her. He could have done something. “No, you’re my responsibility, it’s my fault, my fault…” _

_ “Quiet, mi amor, callado…” His head was pounding, the weight on top of him growing. He felt his heart in his throat. He felt like he was going to throw up. He needed to throw up.  _

_ “That’s good, that’s right…” He hated this. “We’re free now…” We? “Alive, quierdo… yes… you and me…” This was his fault. He killed Blockbuster. He did this. His fault. “He can’t hurt us anymore, baby, it’s over… _

_ It’s all over.”  _

 

The silence that fell over the room was unbearable as Dick found himself curled up completely, still enveloped by Jason’s secure form. His breaths had become rigid once more, sharp intakes that burned his lungs as he attempted to focus on the heartbeat against his back. Jason was silent, motionless.  _ Please don’t leave, please don’t let go. _

“I’m going to kill her.” Jay’s voice was monotone, low and sending chills down the other’s spine. 

“I’m sorry,” Dick whispered, not knowing why he was apologizing. “I-”

Just then Jason sat up, taking Dick with him as he turned the man around and pulled him into the tightest hug he’d ever given anyone. Jason was always hesitant to show any type of physical affection unless they were home by themselves, and even then he was always worried about seeming clingy so he let Dick initiate everything. Not this time. 

“Listen to me right now you idiot,” Jay’s voice shook, impossible to tell whether it was from anger or the tears threatening to fall. “She is a fucking monster, and you did absolutely nothing wrong. She assaulted you, she knew she was doing it, she knew you couldn’t think straight and she willingly hurt you.” Dick remained speechless as the two sat there, Jason’s face buried in the crook of Dick’s neck. “And, and the fact that she made you think that it was on you to blame for whatever the fuck she did just, I swear to God, Dick Grayson, I’m gonna be the last thing she ever sees.” 

Dick felt himself practically wrap around the larger’s body, chests pressed against each other  as he felt hands gripping the hairs at the nape of his neck. “It… it’s alright, Jay-”

“No, it’s not!” Jason snapped, pulling away just enough to press their foreheads together. “It is far from fucking okay, she hurt you! She, she hurt you so goddamn bad and I can’t lose you, Dick! I-” 

Dick’s eyes widened slightly, his hands moving to cup Jay’s face and wipe a tear away with his thumb. 

“I need you.” Jason scolded himself for not being able to say a simple word, a simple phrase. One he knew that he meant, but couldn’t say for the life of him. “It wasn’t your fault Dick… whoever you ‘let’ her kill, wasn’t on you. It wasn’t-”

“Blockbuster... “ Dick murmured, lowering his gaze. “It was when Blockbuster got killed.” 

Jason furrowed his eyebrows. “Wait, that? She did that to you that night? Bruce…” Bruce knew.  _ Bruce knew something happened and didn’t do shit about it. _ “He knew.”

“Jason please, it’s alright I know you’re angry at him but he didn’t know that she… that she,” Dick stuttered, choking on his words as he clenched his teeth. 

“Okay, I won’t, but just because you’re way more important than that piece of shit right now.”

“Jay-”

“I know, I know I’m sorry it’s just… I can’t believe you’ve been going through this alone for  _ so goddamn long,  _ Dick.” Jason lifted the other’s chin up lightly, the two fixing gazes on each other. “I’m sorry I didn’t pick it up sooner.”

“Uh uh, absolutely not,” Dick snapped, tone changing immensely. “You don’t get to tell me all of that wasn’t my fault and then blame yourself for not noticing what was wrong. I’m good at hiding things, Jay. You don’t call me Goldie for nothing,” Dick sighed with the lightest of smiles on his lips. “It’s okay, Little Wing. I’m okay.”

“No, you’re not,” Jason whispered, somehow clinging tighter to the man before him. “She hurt you so bad and you’re still hurting. I swear to God, if I ever see her fucking face, she’s done.” While every fiber in Dick’s body told him to scold Jason, to tell him killing her would do nothing, all he allowed himself to do was place a gentle kiss on the corner of Jay’s mouth. 

“I love you, Jason.” Dick spoke ever so gently, lips ghosting against the other’s skin. “I love you, okay?”

Jason took a breath, nodding before pulling his boyfriend into a last hug that neither wanted to pull away from. The two were more than content with staying in that position for the rest of the night, holding on to each other as if their lives depended on it. 

And at this point, both were pretty sure they did. 

It was only when Jason glanced at the digital clock beside him, the time reading 3 am, when he decided to gather himself enough to let go of his boyfriend. Of the man he knew he was helplessly, deeply and truly in love with. “Dickie,” he muttered, exhaustion flooding his voice. “We need to lay down and be in a position we can actually sleep in.” Dick simply groaned in response, loosening his grip slightly. 

“Don’ let go,” he mumbled. 

“Never.” 

The two laid down in unison, Dick’s body flushed against Jason’s back as they continued to hold each other as much as they could. One of Jay’s arms was draped over the man’s stomach, while the other moved the absentmindedly play with Richard’s hair. Dick meanwhile was holding Jason’s hand, moving it to rest over his own heart, and Jay realized how genuinely comforting the sound and feeling was. 

They laid in silence, the only sounds being their breaths and the sounds of the night city. Jason gathered all the warmth twisting in his stomach, all the courage he thought he could muster, and spoke so quietly he was afraid Dick couldn’t hear. “I meant it, when I said I needed you… and, well I, fuck I’m bad at this…”

“”S okay, Little Wing. I know.” 

“No, I need to,” a yawn interrupted him as he pressed his lips against the back of Dick’s neck. “I need ta say it.” 

A pause.   
“I love you.” 

Jason could practically feel the smile radiating from Dick as the shorter turned completely around, resting his face against Jay’s chest. The man placed a kiss right over his heart. 

“I love you too, Jason.” 

Jay buried his face in the other’s hair, smiling to himself and refusing to admit the butterflies swarming in his gut. “You’re so beautiful Dick… what did I do to deserve you?” 

The former Robin chuckled at that, voice vibrating against Jason’s skin. “Everything, Jaybird. You did everything right.” 

“You really are quite elysian, aren’t you?”

“You’n your, stupidly advanced words,” Dick sighed, words growing slower. “What does it mean?”

“Hmm… just, everything you are Dickie. Everything you are.”  

And for once in a long time, the two slept peacefully, not a single nightmare plaguing their thoughts.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for taking time to read this, let alone click on it in the first place. If you're going through something, no matter how big or small you think it is, don't hesitate to get help. My email is in my profiles bio and is open to anyone that needs to talk. I don't know if it seems like I'm taking this too seriously but I feel like all of this had to be said considering the topic at hand. Anyways thanks again, any constructive criticism is welcome and any support is greatly appreciated!  
> -Dean


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